I met her on Women’s
Recognition Day at work, a day when mothers brought their daughters to show
them what they did. She was standing there with her daughter by the conference
room. She was slim and solid about 5 ft and had long blonde hair and vapid
green eyes. Looking at her you couldn’t tell exactly how old she was. My guess
was 20 about years younger than me. But she could have been any age. She had
the clean scrubbed look of a gymnast.
I bent over and asked her
little girl, “Is that your sister?”
“No silly. She’s my mommy.”
She smiled and said, “This
is Clarissa. She’s four. She wanted to see where her mommy goes every day.”
“Except for the age
difference she looks like your twin.”
She extended her hand to me,
“ Hi, my names Dona Lewis, Marketing.”
“I’m Jack Croft, Front
Office.”
“Nice to meet you, Jack.
Hope to see you around.”
At that point her daughter
took off towards the lollypops pulling her down the hall.
“This younger generation is fast,” she said. “And strong too.”
“See you around, Dona.”
***
Several weeks passed and I’d
almost forgot about her. It was lunchtime and I was standing in line in the
cafeteria and she came up behind me.
“Hi Jack,” she said.
“Where’s your sidekick,” I
asked.
“I left her home today.”
“Sitting with anyone.”
Her hip gently bumped mine,
“Maybe with you.”
We found an empty table in
the corner. As I woofed down my burger and fries she ate her salad and sprouts.
“You
should try this some time. It’s good for you,” she smiled.
“Sprouts
don’t work for me. I’m still hungry. Burgers and fries that’s what I like. Not
salads, not vegiburgers.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” she
answered, “I’m not one of those self-righteous California vegetarians.”
“They live on the San
Andreas Fault,” I slowly nodded. “Their lives could be snuffed out at any
moment and they eat vegiburgers and sprouts. Who’s kidding who? By the way
where do you live?”
“In Danbury. How about you?”
“In Greenwich.”
“Don’t gloat,” she mocked.
“How long is your commute?”
“About 45 minutes if I take
the back roads.”
“Are you married,” I asked.
“Divorced.”
“And what about you?”
“I’m Married.”
“What do you do when you’re
not here,” I asked.
“I take care of Clarissa, do
Aerobics, kickboxing and right now I’m taking a drawing class. ”
“Kickboxing, wow! I’ll have
to watch out for you.”
“Don’t worry, your safe for
now.”
Then she continued,
“Clarissa keeps me busy during the week. But on weekends Lou, my ex takes her.”
“What do you do then?”
“ Mostly I’ll rest. The week
is so busy I need the downtime. I’ll go to a movie or visit Jean. She’s a
friend of mine who lives over in Stamford. Right now she’s in her seventh
month.”
“What about you? What do you
do when you’re not here?”
“My wife keeps me busy most
of the time. I play the Honey Do game, ‘Honey do this and honey do that.’ I
have to do the lawn or fix the car or a faucet.”
“Sounds exciting. Been
married long?”
“Fourteen years.”
“Have any kids,” she asked.
“No I don’t.”
“What does your wife do?”
“She’s a lawyer.”
“ Interesting. My ex is a lawyer
too.”
We finished our lunch and
parted. But I didn’t stop thinking about her little bump and those green
eyes.
***
Over the next few months,
we’d run into each other coming or going, on the elevator, in the coffee room
or in the cafeteria. Sometimes she wouldn’t even say anything but just come up
behind me and give me a little hip bump or a shoulder jab. She was as frisky as
a little puppy.
“You remind me of Fazzio.”
“Who’s Fazzio?”
“He was a dog I had when I was single. When he wanted me to pet
him he’d come over to me and bump me.”
“Are you comparing me to a
dog?”
“I liked that little bump
you gave me. It told me something about you.”
“What did it tell you?”
“You’re
playful.”
***
In May, there was the March
of Dimes Walkathon and we both entered and walked together. We spent about
three hours together. I think that was when we really started to get
close.
“I wanted to get you outside
of the office,” she said. “You intrigue me Mr. Jack. I want to know more about
you.”
I was kind of flattered
having someone like her interested in me. But I didn’t understand why.
“You realize this could be dangerous. Sometimes knowing less is
better than knowing more.”
“I like you. You have a
history and a kind of style. The word in the company is that you’re a retired
New York City detective. You’re not some grad school kid who’s green behind the
ears.”
She put her arm on my
shoulder and said, “My ex has Clarissa this weekend. Why don’t you come over to
my place after the walk? It’s nice there. You’d really like it.”
“I bet I would. I might like
it too much. I want to get to know you better too, but this could be like
unleashing a 2000-pound gorilla. Once it gets out of the cage it’s going to be
impossible to stop.”
We walked a little further
and talked about things and kidded. She looked beautiful in her tight blue
Lycra workout suit. I wanted to take her up on the invitation, but something
stopped me.
“I can’t come over today,” I
said. “I have to be some place. But maybe we can try another time.”
“Here’s my cell phone
number,” she said. “Call me when you
can.”
After the walk, we saw more
of each other at work. We’d have lunch together and every so often she’d remind
me she was alone. I resisted. But I was
weakening. I was really tempted. How enticing to spend a weekend with someone
like her.
We went along like this till
June. Things were hectic at the company and I was very busy. I was traveling
and working crazy hours. One night I was working late up in the copy room.
Everyone else was long gone. I was running off copies in a secluded copy room
on the fourth floor when she came in. She walked over to me.
“Hi Jack. Haven’t seen you
for a while. What you been up to?”
“I’ve been traveling and working crazy hours. There’s
deadline after deadline on the projects. Not a moment to breathe.”
“I’ve missed you,” she said as she pressed against me and started
stroking my thigh. I felt this surge of excitement and as she continued.
“Oh Jack,” she said. “Oh Big
Jack”
I grabbed her around her waist and kissed her deeply. She
responded passionately with more kisses and stroking. At that point, my cell
phone went off.
“Don’t bother answering it,”
she said.
I didn’t. The gorilla was
out of the cage.
***
In July Julia was away at a
convention and I took Dona up on her offer and went down to her place for the
weekend. It was a three-story townhouse in an upscale development. The living room had a cathedral ceiling with
large skylights running at odd angles and there were hanging plants all over
and a very comfortable white leather sofa in front of the fireplace.
We spent the weekend together. She was easy to be with and I felt
very comfortable. On Saturday, after trying to pin me in a mock wrestling match
we made love. Then we had some breakfast and went for a long walk in the woods.
That night we rented a video and came back and cuddled on the couch.
When the movie was over I
picked her up and carried her upstairs into the bedroom. She kissed me softly
on the neck several times and then she bit me harder and I could feel a trickle
of blood running down my neck.
“Wow! A bloodsucker. Are you
a vampire”?
“I just want to taste your
blooood,” she said.
She kissed me on the lips. I
could taste my own blood.
“I’m just getting to know
you,” she smiling thinly.
My heart was pounding as I laid her down on the bed.
As we made love, I could
feel her fingernails digging deeply convulsively into my back.
“Oh Jack! Oh, oh, oh.”
Afterwards, we held each
other tightly and fell into a dead asleep.
She was just the opposite of
Julia. She didn’t hold anything back. With Julia lovemaking was slow and
deliberate and after a while it progressed to tedium. Over the last years,
though neither of us had admitted it we both had lost interest.
A couple of weeks went by
and I kept going down to Dona’s place. Each time I went there I felt more at
home. After a while I felt so comfortable that I didn’t want to leave and
finally, I didn’t. I moved out of my house and in with Donna.
***
I went back and told Julia,
“ It’s not you. It’s just the way things have worked out. They haven’t been right with us for years.”
Julia didn’t say anything.
“There’s no excitement, no passion in our marriage and I’m not
happy here anymore. I’ve met a woman who I care deeply about and I’m going to
live with her. I’m moving out.”
To my surprise she seemed
relieved. All she said was, “I’ll send you some papers. Just sign. ”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes Jack. I’ve had more
than enough of you.”
***
It was like a dream living
with Dona and Clarissa. Being with them made me feel like I was thirty instead
of fifty. I was getting up at 5AM and
jogging with her and I even tried eating some sprouts. In a month’s time I had
lost about ten pounds. Most of all I felt alive.
Clarissa and I hit it off
well from the start. At night I’d read to her and sometimes I’d take her down
to the playground.
A month after moving in, I
had to go to Montreal for several weeks and it gave me time to think about what
was going on. The more I thought about it the more thrilled I felt. I had started
a new life.
When I returned on the
following Monday, Dona told me what happened to her over the weekend.
“On Saturday I was visiting,
Jean over in Stamford and while I was there, she went into labor. I called the
EMS but they didn’t respond in time and I had to deliver the baby.”
“That’s intense,” I said.
“Jack,” she continued, “
That baby was so beautiful, with those little hands and the fingers, everything
so perfectly formed and there she was looking up at me.”
Later that week Jean came to
the office with her baby. Dona brought her over and showed her to me.
“This is baby Carla. I’m the
God Mother,” she said proudly.
It was a little baby girl,
really so beautiful.
“Here Jack, you hold her.”
My heart was pounding I took her and held her. She was a beautiful
baby girl and just like Dona had said, perfect little hands with beautifully
developed fingernails and a cute little mouth. I put my finger in her little
hand and she grasped it.
Later that day when it was
just the two of us in the coffee room, she walked over to me, looked me in the
eye and said, “I want to have a baby.”
I grabbed her and held her.
We looked at each other.
“Oh Jack it’ll be
wonderful.”
***
Two months later it was
Saturday and I was sitting on the couch in my boxer shorts. She was cuddled up
against me. Her hair was damp from the shower and she was wearing one of my
dress shirts. It came down below her knees. We looked at each other and kissed.
I knew that for however long this lasted, it was worth it.
***
About a year later I was
wheeling baby Emma in the baby carriage in Buckley Park. Emma was now three
months old. I saw this man coming in the opposite direction also wheeling a
carriage. He caught my eye because I thought he looked a lot like me. He was
tall and wiry with graying hair maybe in his late forties. He did a double take
when he saw me.
“I thought I was the only
one,” I said.
“You’re not,” he answered.
“Just out of curiosity, how
old is your wife?”
“She’s twenty-eight and I’m
forty-seven. How about you,” he asked.
“She’s thirty and I’m
fifty.” I answered.
“How did we get here?”
“When you let the gorilla out of the cage there’s no telling
what’ll happen.”
He laughed and we both
continued on.